I wish things could be the ideal. How much simpler life would be if things where that way. The ideal being a world where we are totally honest about ourselves, accepting of other people as they are not what we expect them to be and so on. This fairy tale existence that we have in our head.
But the simple fact is that it’s not that way at all. People misrepresent themselves all the time. I know I do all the time. I am not going to blow smoke up your ass and say I am totally open because I am not. Life and experience has taught me that I cannot be that way. I cannot be totally open with everyone for a number of reasons: fear for my survival, fear of how people would treat me if they knew the truth about me, fear of ridicule and being bullied by other people and so on.
Also when I am honest, people see me as being dishonest. This could be that they have expectations of me based on what I said. Could be some ideal they have of what I said that has nothing to do with reality. Something they picked up watching TV, reading a book or just the world around them. Sometimes it may because we have two different definitions of what it means. We could even have the same definition but see it different. Now does that make me liar or misrepresenting myself if I don’t meet the other person’s expectations or definition of what I said? Well to me I am being honest based on what I think about it.
The simple fact is that we are human beings and as such we live in a fake world. A world that we create in our minds from what we experience, our assumptions, not knowing everything about everyone, and the ability of our minds to reach conclusions to fill in what we don’t know. So regardless of what I do I will be dishonest because I am not going to be what you expect me to be. I am going to do what I think I need to do to survive and thrive in this world of imperfect human beings.
I think in the end the only thing I can do is be honest with myself. Even that is a hard thing to do. Things about my past, what I have done or do that I rather not accept. Not accept them because they do not fit the expectations I have for myself. This idealized version of myself that is good and wholesome. Maybe what I should do is make a trip to the toilet and flush those expectations. Rid myself of those expectations and just be a flawed human being who tries her best to be herself. Allow other people to do the same. In the end, try my best to accept reality not force reality to be my ideal.