I just got done talking to my mom and wishing her a happy mother’s day. It really hurt and was disappointing. Not because I have bad feelings toward my mom but because it hurts so much to be reminded of what she has become now. She is in a nursing home with dementia. There is the usually disappointment in that she cannot share what is happening in my life which was something I liked deeply, but there is a lot of emotion and bad feelings toward the rest of my family over what lead up to her being put in the nursing home. But the story of why I feel that way toward my sisters is for another time.
She sat at the kitchen table with her calculus book open and scribbling furiously on the paper. Even though she was physically there, her mind was in another world. A world of figures, problems that needed a solution and letters that meant something else besides being the building blocks of words. This world she loved without a doubt. It made sense to her. Finally something she could understand and figure out. She could spend all day and night in this world where there were no monsters.